Everyone knows women have relationship rules for their men. Men also have rules for their women. Here's a collection of random relationship rules from a man's viewpoint.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT fascinating. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us and force us to lie to you.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. (Besides, if we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?)

Don’t ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun, formation, or motorcycles.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Don't ask us to hold your purse in the mall.

Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to ask again and make it worse.

Any attempt by me to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e. microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc.) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere together, absolutely anything you choose to wear is fine. Really!

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes. No NO you really do have too many shoes.

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take an online quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that -- it's like camping.